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Toni Crowe
Toni Crowe

6.2K Followers

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How Much Titty Is Too Much Titty at A Wedding

I Wish I Had A Tittyometer To Score The Breasts Around Me — “Oh my God, if you hooked up with her, you have to tell me every single thing that happened. You have to write me a term paper on the look and feel of Margo Roth Spiegelman’s breasts. Thirty pages, minimum! I want you to do a photo-realistic pencil drawing. A…

Breasts

4 min read

How Much Titty Is Too Much Titty at A Wedding
How Much Titty Is Too Much Titty at A Wedding
Breasts

4 min read


Published in Sexography

·Pinned

No One Wants to be Dicked Down for Five Hours

A new generation of sexual requirements — Confessions of a once single Boomer When I was a single sexually active woman, the going craze among the young men attempting to get in my pants was that they could do “it” all night. We would be out at the bar or club. Men and women were showing the energy we had by dancing. The…

Health

4 min read

No One Wants to be Dicked Down for Five Hours
No One Wants to be Dicked Down for Five Hours
Health

4 min read


Pinned

I Would Rather Drink Aged Alligator Piss on The Rocks With Lemon And A Twisty Straw Before I Work In Corporate America 9–5 Again

That bridge is burned — I am no longer a good fit — “Only courageous hearts can endure the bitterness of truth.” ― Michael Bassey Johnson, The Book of Maxims, Poems and Anecdotes I consider myself a lucky woman. I came up hard, but through luck, skill, serendipity, and a little help from my friends, I escaped the poverty of Chicago’s South Side…

News

4 min read

I Would Rather Drink Aged Alligator Piss on The Rocks With Lemon And A Twisty Straw Before I Work…
I Would Rather Drink Aged Alligator Piss on The Rocks With Lemon And A Twisty Straw Before I Work…
News

4 min read


Mar 21

If You Marry Me, It’s A Life Sentence

Just so you know — A friend of mine invited me to her daughter’s bachelorette party. We met at a pleasant restaurant for dinner. We then retired to a suite in a luxury hotel for all the kinds of things that you would expect at a bachelorette party. There were penises everywhere. There was penis…

Marriage

4 min read

If You Marry Me, It’s A Life Sentence
If You Marry Me, It’s A Life Sentence
Marriage

4 min read


Published in ILLUMINATION-Curated

·Mar 21

I Had My First Experience with Rage Applying

It helped an angry employee keep his job — One of the best things about mentoring younger generations is that their attitudes differ from mine. I was in corporate America for many years and followed a set of rules which are no longer relevant in a post-Covid world. There are new rules. Deep Employee Unhappiness One man was passed over for a…

Work

5 min read

I Had My First Experience with Rage Applying
I Had My First Experience with Rage Applying
Work

5 min read


Published in MuddyUm

·Mar 20

Love In All Its Forms

Let me count the ways — Spring is in the air. With Spring comes love in all its forms. Most people think of love like this: “Bound together with shared demands, Felt by both, ‘Love springs eternal.’ A life of bliss, spirits entwined, Love that is pure in spirit and mind.” — Anthony Halat Spiritual love…

Love

2 min read

Love In All Its Forms
Love In All Its Forms
Love

2 min read


Mar 20

My Husband Is Curled Around Me, And I’m Curled Around My Cat

Everyone is getting what they need — I wake from a most excellent sleep. Pushed against my bum is my husband, who is curled in a C around me. My spouse and I sleep like two corresponding letter Cs. He is the big C, and I am the small c. We have slept like this most of…

Love

3 min read

My Husband Is Curled Around Me, And I’m Curled Around My Cat
My Husband Is Curled Around Me, And I’m Curled Around My Cat
Love

3 min read


Published in Doctor Funny

·Mar 13

Smut Means Love Is in The Air

That dirty kind of fun, I mean love — To me, smut means love. When I was young and wild, I took my favorite boyfriends to the smut hotel outside Chicago. It was the perfect place to show them how much I loved them. Smut is one fast way to a young man’s heart. The hotel specialized in rooms…

Satire

4 min read

Smut Means Love Is in The Air
Smut Means Love Is in The Air
Satire

4 min read


Published in MuddyUm

·Mar 13

The Best Places Not To Take A Nap

Today is National Napping Day — Today, March 13th, is National Napping Day. I am overqualified to advise as I am a Certified Master Napper, CMN. There was a time when I worked so hard that I fell asleep whenever I stopped for a minute. This led to me coming home from work and not sitting…

National Nap Day

5 min read

The Best Places Not To Take A Nap
The Best Places Not To Take A Nap
National Nap Day

5 min read


Mar 11

She Married A “Cat Daddy”

She had no idea how her life would change — Newlyweds My never-married friend got married at 47 to a man who had also never been married. He was 52. These two never-married people were perfect for each other. He adores her; she loves him. They sold their houses and brought one together. They both have loads of nieces, nephews, and…

Marriage

4 min read

She Married A “Cat Daddy”
She Married A “Cat Daddy”
Marriage

4 min read

Toni Crowe

Toni Crowe

6.2K Followers

Best-selling author of seven books. Writes whatever she wants. Engineer. Owner: No Air. Editor, MuddyUm.

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