Life Lesson Recovery

My Friends Hogged Daughter Is Getting Married

The asses don't get to win

Toni Crowe
3 min readSep 7, 2023


Image by elkimmelito from Pixabay

I finally received an invitation I was waiting for. It made my day. A few years ago, a friend of mine’s daughter was the victim of a hogging incident. I have known this woman since she was a child. It broke my heart to see her broken.

What is Hogging?

“Hogging or sweat hogging refers to the practice of groups of men who target overweight or obese women, typically for sexual encounters. Unlike fat fetishists, men who participate in hogging are not necessarily sexually attracted to obese women’s bodies; they aim to take advantage of a female’s stereotypical low self-esteem” — — Sarah Fenske, “Big Game Hunters” Cleveland Scene. Village Voice Media.

I wrote about it here.

Hogging is when cruel men deliberately romance a woman who is heavier just to humiliate her. It traumatizes the woman and amuses the men.

Patty is a kind-hearted, decent young woman. Those men hurt her badly. It took more than a year for her to begin to recover. She only went back to school this August, more than two years after the incident.

She is Back

She is back in school, away from home, out from under her parent's protection. She found a new love who proposed to her last week. Although she has lost some weight, Patty still does not match the Slim Jim image that America wants for its women. I suspect that she would still be called obese at the doctor’s office.

I am grateful for her current fiancé, although I have not met him. Her mother says that he adores her, and it shows. I am grateful for the therapists who have helped her along the way. I was worried, at first, that she would retreat into herself and not even look for anyone to love her. She remains an introvert, but she found someone who appreciates her that way. The universe seems to be able to provide someone for everyone.

I am glad that I was wrong. Youth recovers. Thank goodness. It made my day to know that she is living her life. The memory of that craziness will be with her, but it has not broken her.

Life is good, and not all people are jerks.



Toni Crowe

Sharing the hard lessons I've learned in life. Best-selling author. Humorist. Editor. Writing whatever interests me . Owner: No Air. Editor:MuddyUm.