Looking for a New Love
Situationship, I Don’t Like You, but I Love You
You are the best I can do
“You think you can change a guy, that he’ll be different with you, that you’ll finally be the one to tame him… and before you know it, you’re alone in your underwear at nine o’clock on a Saturday night, crying to Adele songs, eating ice cream straight from the gallon, and wondering what the hell is the matter with you that you fell for such a goddamned man-child, after he explicitly warned you not to.”
― Julie Johnson, The Monday Girl
I am sitting with my mouth open. My spouse leans over and says shut your mouth. I literally must pull my tongue back into my mouth because I know I did not just see what I thought I saw.
We are at the wedding reception of an old friend’s daughter. I have already been astonished at the wedding when the groom upstaged the bride even before the wedding ceremony started.
The groom had on a sparkling maroon and white tux; the lapels of the tux were festooned with gems that danced in the light. The groomsmen were in maroon onesies, clearly showing everyone their package. I had not seen so much dick since the last time I was in Las Vegas with my friend at the Australian strippers show — Thunder from Down Under.