That Cat Owner’s Life

We Are the Cat People Helping Our Cats Live Their Best Lives

These boys are big ballers

Toni Crowe
4 min readDec 5, 2023

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Creative Cat Studio — stock.adobe.com / Author’s subscription

“Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.” — Christopher Hitchens

One trait of my personality is that I am a cat person. I have owned two dogs and way too many cats to count. My spouse spends much of his time telling me to stop doing things for the cats. He says the cats are pimps — they mesmerize us, or why would we squander our resources on them? I reply that their pimp-hand is strong.

I tell him I don’t do drugs, buy expensive cars, or screw other men. My two vices are that I am a high-maintenance bitch (hair, nails, lashes, massages), and I love my cats. He knew this when he married me.

He has a list of my cat indulgences, which include:

· We have more than one cat. We have had as few as one and as many as four. Our sweet spot is two or three. Four is too many, and one is not enough for me, I mean us.

· I tell him we must go easy on spending this Christmas as I write a check for $475 for our cat Tall’s visit for his kidney disease diagnosis. Hey, he had to have an exam, x-rays, and blood work. I didn’t mention that Tall now needs specialty food for $3 a can. Just toss that 99-cent food to the side.

· Tall’s all-time largest medical expense was $2,500 of dental work. The procedure was performed by a veterinary dentist. The doctor has also performed dental work on animals at Walt Disney’s Animal Kingdom Theme Park in Orlando, Florida. And that was why the procedure cost $2,500,

· The number of pictures of our cats rivals the number of pictures of our kids. Pictures of the cats hang next to the children’s pictures.

· The cats have their own furniture — a six-foot climbing tower, cat-sized sleeping beds, four scratching pads scattered through the house, large pillows to tunnel into, and separate sleeping circles made of wicker.

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Toni Crowe

Sharing the hard lessons I've learned in life. Best-selling author. Humorist. Editor. Writing whatever interests me . Owner: No Air. Editor:MuddyUm.